The eagerly awaited outcome of the complicated legal case between Frostbyte Records and the rogue act Fußgängerzone has today been announced.  As anticipated, Fußgängerzone's Birgitte Möchtehaben acted as the solicitor on behalf of the band, and put on a P.T. Barnum performance representing them in court.

Outside the Portsmouth county court, Hampshire Constabulary had enforced rigorous crowd control.  The hordes of awaiting fans emitted hysterical gasps when Birgitte appeared outside the court sporting his new clean-shaven look.  Rumours abounded amongst the onlookers that Ludwig too may have removed his trademark moustache.  Birgitte himself was wearing Ray Ban Aviator sunglasses and hair fashioned by Charles Worthington.

Soon after, Frostbyte Records boss Big Bad Fat Cat Benjamin arrived complete with his protective cortège of minders, and accompanied by a phalanx of lawyers.  Just inside the court building, the angry Ben and a bemused Birgitte posed for a blatant publicity-seeking photo opportunity - the now famous "head to head" picture as seen below which has so far been featured in over one hundred national newspapers world wide.

Birgitte reportedly suggested a meeting between the sides before the proceedings began, claiming he had something to discuss.  BBFCB refused, and was unofficially quoted by some journalists as saying he would "make the Kraut bastards pay".

The case commenced with the arguments for the claimant set out by efficient and smooth solicitors on behalf of Frostbyte.  All previously expected aspects of the alleged breach of contract were discussed.  The free release of an mp3 sound file of Fußgängerzone's latest recording on the band's own internet website rather than being saved for inclusion on a future Frostbyte Records released album or single, was viewed as the crux of the case, with many legal experts predicting this matter as Birgitte's (and Fußgängerzone's) Achilles' heel.

Frostbyte's solicitors highlighted the apparent non sanctioning of the release by the Big Bad Fat Cat, and pointed out an estimated figure of lost earnings for the record company, had it been commercially released to the public.  If the track were to have been featured on a CD single, the profits from that release would have been some £250,000 based on "past sales figures for this incredibly popular German band with a silly name", they claimed.  Frostbyte however, were only seeking a nominal £49,000 damages through the small claims court in order to speed up proceedings, and so as not to bankrupt this critically acclaimed act who were seen as the saviours of Frostbyte Records upon signing to the label in 1992.  At the same time, it was stated that without Frostbyte's finely honed marketing and publicity skills Fußgängerzone would have "faded years ago", partly due to their self-destructive and hedonistic lifestyles of recent years.

Curiously, the case for the respondent was not put.  Birgitte (representing Fußgängerzone) informed the court that information had "just come to light which will quickly bring proceedings to a close".  In a sterling and bravado performance, he waved a copy of Fußgängerzone's lucrative 1992 contract in air, before revealing to the court that at the time 'Fußgängerzone.com' was released online, the contract was expired, as Fat Cat Ben had forgotten to renew it after its initial six month's trial period had ended.

The claimant's solicitors immediately called foul, insisting that Fußgängerzone must have known all along that was the case and that this information should have been shared during the discovery process.  The court room promptly turned into a zoo, with BBFCB dumbfounded, banging his head repeatedly on a table.

After a ten minute recess to calm the tense atmosphere, Judge Jewels immediately threw the case out and reprimanded Birgitte Möchtehaben for wasting court time and tax-payers' money.

Once Birgitte stopped laughing he was seen to whisper something in Benjamin's ear, resulting in their shaking of hands.  This action was seemingly in no ways amicable, but nevertheless certainly gentlemanly.

After this debacle, outside on the courtroom steps, Birgitte told the waiting paparazzi that BBFCB is possibly the stupidest person he has ever met but that "he knows how to party and what to do with a fuzzbox, so let him rock on".  Fat Cat Ben, clearly rattled, described Birgitte as "a cross-dressing panty-waist snake-in-the-grass", but agreed that they "are on speaking terms at least".

The farcical and abrupt ending of this legal case was seen by some music industry insiders as a disappointing damp squib.  In a recent edition of Melody Maker, music journalist Mark Sutherland had enthused that "the upcoming legal case between Fußgängerzone and Frostbyte Records is the most important and significant music industry courtroom drama since George Michael squared up to Sony".  After hearing the outcome of today's case, he said "those Germans and that jumped up Rupert Murdoch wannabe are jerks".

In an official statement from Fußgängerzone, published via their fan club 'Teenage Mr. Men', the group's minder and fixer The Ayatollah Of Rock 'n' Rollah said that Fußgängerzone are "dapper; Birgitte's awesomely still on guitar and Ludwig is most definitely your rapper".  He added that the new album is in the demo'ing stage, and revealed its working title as 'The Bunny Girl Audit'.

In other related news, the experimentalist noise embracers Feedback Syndrome have announced that they are wholeheartedly and 100% behind BBFCB and Frostbyte Records.  This is out of respect to Ben's care and support through the band's acute medical condition they have suffered from since 1992.  There have been rumours in the Frostbyte Records camp of the possible defections by acts to Fußgängerzone's new 'Goodbye To Berlin' media empire, with The Ayatollah Of Rock 'n' Rollah already pledging allegiance to their cause, and speculation rife that The Celestial Anthropoids are also soon to follow.

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24/7/2000
Frostbyte Records v Fußgängerzone - court date announced

Solicitors acting on behalf of Frostbyte Records today confirmed the date of the first preliminary hearing in the breach of contract case against rogue act Fußgängerzone, the German band with the silly name.

Initial proceedings will begin on Friday 4th August at Portsmouth's county court.  Speculation is already running wild that Fußgängerzone member Birgitte Möchtehaben, and label boss Big Bad Fat Cat Benjamin will personally attend these hearings.  Extra local Government funds have been made available to finance the heavy Hampshire Constabulary presence needed to control the anticipated high number of fans and press during the duration of this complex legal case.

Fußgängerzone are being prosecuted for loss of earnings after they announced their plans to leave Frostbyte and set up a rival Surrey based record company.  The financial element centres around the band's decision in 1999 to release their only newly recorded material (intended for inclusion on the eagerly awaited forth studio album) as a free internet download in the controversial new mp3 audio format.  Fat Cat Ben claims that this is tantamount to a loss of earnings for Frostbyte Records, and will seek a nominal amount of £49,000 damages - to win a moral argument and force the band to either complete the new album and release it on Frostbyte Records, or face a lengthy case for breach of contract.

(Frostbyte boss Benjamin)

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4/7/2000
Writ issued to Fußgängerzone

A writ has been presented to Fußgängerzone by solicitors who turned up unannounced at their "F-Studio" complex today, which has recently been relocated to Sutton, Surrey (where the band are rumoured to be writing new material).

The writ, on behalf of Frostbyte Records, is for alleged breach of contract regarding Fußgängerzone's apparent setting up of a new media empire, "Goodbye To Berlin", which encompasses a new record label.  Speaking on behalf of Frostbyte boss Big Bad Fat Cat Benjamin, an employee of King & Franckiess solicitors said in a brief statement this evening that both Ludwig and Birgitte are contracted to record a further two albums for Fat Cat Ben's label, and are being sued, with the intention still being to release any new material on Frostbyte Records.

Despite the hoards of paparazzi and reporters now camped outside the heavily guarded F-Studio complex, no statement has yet been issued by Fußgängerzone.

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30/6/2000
Frostbyte Records to feature on
'The South Bank Show'

ITV has confirmed that the long and eventful history of Frostbyte Records is to be covered in an edition of arts programme 'The South Bank Show' which is scheduled to be broadcast sometime during the summer.

Editing of the hour long documentary has just been completed, and the show is said to feature many in-depth interviews with the key figures involved in the success and day to day running of this label.

Tabloid newspapers have been full of reports recently about the "incredibly frank" interview given by troubled artist The Ayatollah Of Rock 'n' Rollah, who is still coming to terms with his recently diagnosed schizophrenia.  In Melvin Bragg's probing interview, The Ayatollah is rumoured to break down in tears when admitting that he cannot recall any of his "confusion years", during which he worked with No One Knows We're Dead under the name of "The Saint".

He is also said to speak with much regret about lending his car to an inebriated No One Knows We're Dead on Christmas Day last year (an action which ultimately led to their deaths, when the car sped off the M27 at Cosham into the Hilsea Creek, barely half a mile from The Blue Lagoon, where Frostbyte Records has held its regular club nights for the past two years).

A spokeswoman for ITV refused to comment on speculation that The Ayatollah reveals he has been signed up to Fußgängerzone's new record company "Goodbye To Berlin Records" during the interview.

The broadcast date of the show is as yet unconfirmed, but it's thought it will air sometime before the autumn.

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13/6/2000
Fuß rift denied

Rumours of an apparent rift between Frostbyte Records and its German supergroup saviours Fußgängerzone have been strenuously denied by label boss and Portsmouth entrepreneur Big Bad Fat Cat Benjamin.

There have been unofficial stories circulating (allegedly from sources within Viewpoint Studios, the company's centrepiece recording suite) that the band are preparing to leave the label - which they saved from bankruptcy in 1992 - and set up their own rival record company.

Fat Cat Benjamin dismissed this story as "absolute tosh" at an official press conference held last week.  When questioned about supposedly being "livid" that Fußgängerzone had chosen to give away the only new material recorded in the last two years for free at their website in the controversial new mp3 format, Benjamin assured all present that "I'm happy for the boys to release whatever they see fit.  There is no disagreement of any kind whatsoever between myself and the band.  We owe a great debt to Fußgängerzone."

He told reporters, "I have always believed in - and stood for - the music [on Frostbyte Records].  Any excess profit has ultimately been invested in our monthly 'Frostbitten' club nights at the Hilsea Lido."  He added that "Work on the next Fußgängerzone LP continues unabated.  The band have told me personally that it will be finished by the autumn."

(The Hilsea Lido's Blue Lagoon - Frostbyte profits invested in monthly club night.)

Asked about the "leak" from a source at Viewpoint Studios, he commented "These so-called reports from the studios were unconfirmed - no one has been found to be in breach of the artists' security.  My guess is that it's just puerile tabloid speculation.  Don't forget, people are desperate for new material; they'll cling on to any bit of gossip, however unfounded."  The band, however, were unavailable for comment.

Fußgängerzone themselves, meanwhile, are updating their popular website, to include a new extended mix of 'Fußgängerzone.com' as a free mp3 download - with the FULL backing of Frostbyte Records.

In other news, former Frostbyte signings Euthanasia have at long last released some new material.  The 'Freeform EP', features two mixes of new track 'Misery Men', which has already established itself as a major club hit, as well as the two remastered archive tracks 'Dilithium' and 'Zoanthorpy', which were only ever released as a limited "DJ only" run of one-sided white label seven inches in the mid-nineties.  The 'Freeform EP' is only available from the band's mp3.com website.

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